She tries to be...

It amazes me how "common" people can suddenly create things that instantly put them in the spotlight.  Every famous person now was once just a struggling artist, a simple housewife, a book keeper, a student, in short, just one of us everyday folk who go about their business.  But apparently these people are destined for something greater.  I can't blame it solely on talent anymore, because I believe it's all about luck and having the right thing at the right place at the right time.  Or better yet, having something that hits a nerve with a particular demographic, thus propelling you to instant stardom. 

Specifically, I'm talking about books.  Harry Potter came from J.K. Rowling who has her own amazing "they all rejected me 21,000 times etc., etc., success story and quite recently, Stephenie Meyer, who despite all evidence to the contrary, hit it off with mothers and teenagers and basically, a large part of the female populace everywhere.  Since I'm not immune to the hype, I understand the pull the Twilight saga has on every female romantic, but if Hollywood ever took up the torch of translating romance novels (in it's truest, raw sense) into main stream movies, I'd go mad.  Literally. 

*hopes*

Anyhoo, on to my point.  So there are lots and lots of romance novel writers in America, and there are tons of books in the supernatural-romance genre, and all of them are a hundred times better writers than Stephenie Meyer but none of them got an amazing movie deal and now, I've recently discovered, a graphic novel deal.  (Below is a tidbit)



Except Anita Blake by Laurell K. Hamilton (developed into a graphic novel by Marvel) and The Dark Hunter Series by Sherrilyn Kenyon, (developed into manga form) (Yay for the supernatural romance novels!  Good for them!) 

And they've been around like, 20 years longer than Twilight but they got the short end of the fame-glory-and FANTABULOUS MOVIE POSTER stick so then the realization struck me:  Luck and destiny are major factors in book-movie-mass-appeal box-office success, not just talent. 




See here: J.K. Rowling's writing is stellar and her world is imaginative, engaging (insert all positive reviews from new york times etc. here).  It's already considered a classic and is unmistakeably, a masterful work of literature, not just because of what academic people has to say but because it's a joy to read.  Period.  Meanwhile Stephenie Meyer's writing is, well.  Okay, but not very good if you compare it to all other writers of the same genre.  And her story isn't so amazing, but still it is met by worldwide success, despite all the haters and critiques.

Again I reiterate: Luck and destiny are major factors in book-movie-mass-appeal box-office success, not just talent.  Somehow this realization relieves me.  I don't know how exactly, but it takes the pressure off of writing.  It gives me perspective and focus.  Because somehow, try as you might, even if let's say, your work is light years ahead of its time in terms of storyline and imagination, the world may not be ready for your "genius" yet.  Or better yet, they might never be.  Ahhh... That's so cool.  :D It's sad, unfair and tragic, but it does happen everyday, and as always, that kind of melancholic injustice appeals to me. 

And soooo... Here are the amazing posters I'm drooling over coz I'd really kill to be able to compose such exquisite, gothic and soft photo manipulations.  And comparing how the actors look in real life, it's like they had a whole body face-lift, they look 10 times better!  How cool it would be to have this kind of picture of yourself!  Waaaaa!  It reminds me of the 300 posters, where Leonida's wife, Lena Heady (playing Gorgo) looked absolutely gorgeous in her Spartan outfit.

 

1st year college. (pre-burgundy, ^_^)

I love my life. I'm happy. I figured, what's the use of being unhappy when I could be happy? I'd be feeling nothing when I'm dead anyway. Yea! I should be happy while I'm living because I'll be a long time dead. So I'll be happy. There's also this text message that goes, "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So don't say you're happy because everything is alright. Be happy because everything sucks but you're doing just fine." :)

So I'm happy! It's pointless to get down and out when I have a chance to choose the way situations and people affect my life. I can be better than those snobbish people but most importantly I can be better than myself. I just have to be true to who I am. I'll find friends eventually here in the Ateneo. I can't be the only weirdo around right? I've found Jan, the biggest weirdo of all in the pessimistic class of weirdos right? Anyway, I pray for everyone that I love that they may realize their dreams and discover who they truly are and what they want to be.


Almost 6 years ago... :D And it's good to go back and find these things tucked away in a corner of my life.  If at that age I found the strength to be strong despite the overwhelming situation... and to actually decide to be happy back then, despite everything... then I would definitely have that strength, a thousand times over now.  Growing up is all about being better, and I'd be damned if I regressed.

I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO FEAR!!!
I WILL NOT!!!

I AM BRAVE!!!

Why do strange situations happen that cut you in two?  It's fucking insane.  

(for march 21 since i won't be here and the puppy ate my phone,)


the moon has risen,
full and bright
for 72 months

and i still love you
coz you're squishy
and so much fun to bully. :p

see you when i get back! :D

uhm, so yeah...
for those who know me really really well, this news shouldn't come as too much of a shock.








i'm pregnant.












hahaha.  well actually, bella ate my phone.
bella, the puppy chomped my cellphone to bits.
this is my third phone in 4 months. 

as you know, the first was lost/accidentally stolen.
the second (huhu, hard-earned) was deliberately stolen
and now the third was used as chew toy.

so the big announcement is, duh.

i am now un-contactable.
*bow.* :c

landline: (balik sa dati) 875-06-85
e-mail: marjoriecocjin@yahoo.com

thank you. :)

what I love the most are...
(it's always good to take time from busy life and appreciate that which makes you whole...)

chocolate milk. ü
frozen chocolate milk. üüü
dnd with the pbfrs...

climbing up the roof to see the moon and stars alone...
and with friends.  üüü (the surprise of fireflies, butterflies and dragonflies on the roof...)

feeling the cool night breeze on my skin.
taking in the sweet fragrance of jasmine and ilang-ilang on a summer night. ü

walking around las pinas during magic hour and twilight... ü
playing with my dogs and cats. üüü

playing "habulan shadow" and tagu-taguan last night with my cousin. ü

knowing i will always be a playful child at heart. it's in the very core of me. ü
practical magic. ü

having someone who loves me... in all the cliche-ic ways possible... ü

:: Are you more trusting now than you were before?::

I was staring at my clumpy eyelashes when the question came strolling through my head.  On a whim I decided to ask my officemates one by one and got interesting answers.  Stephen threw the question back at me after I was done with my "interviews." 

Without thinking, I just said, "I've always been trusting."  Now, the answer has had time to settle down and I suddenly got an urge to expound on it just a little in writing.  I sincerely believe that my level of trust has only grown to the point that I know when and how to use it and when and how to expect it from other people.  I still distrust strangers with all my heart.  You can't be living and commuting in Manila and not think all people are malicious and suspicious.  Until they prove themselves decent, they're always kept at arm, foot and leg's length.  As for the point of this subject on trust, I trust the best people.  I have found that there are people you can trust yourself to.  But sometimes, when those people disappoint me, I am admittedly crushed to the core.  And after that, I know how to keep them at arm, foot and leg's length for as long as I live. 

Second chances?  Do I believe in it?  Of course I do. But the person better be hell bent in proving himself/herself, and on second thought, I'd better be hell bent on wanting this person back.  Life's too short to hold meaningless grudges.  But life is to precious to waste on people who are not willing to give as much effort to a relationship as you do. 

Granted, I would still be civil, polite and appreciative of their virtues and talents.  But I'll never give them any part of myself.  I would pull them up a cliff if I found them dangling there.  I would even respond to their call for help.  I would also sit with them until help arrives, fix them a cup of tea or something, use my voice to calm their nerves.  But I wouldn't check up on them after that, but I would cordially answer a social call if they did arrive. 

All in all I think I've got that trust thing issue covered.  I'll trust those I love the best.  I'll smile at those I like.  And I'll laugh at those who think to misuse my "trust" when in reality, they never had it.  I will continue to glare at any suspicious folk who bother me as I commute.  And I'll always wear some hope and ninja eye gouge techniques in my pocket. 

Bless The Broken Road - Carrie Underwood

Acoustic Version by Carrie Underwood

I had the pleasure of hearing the mass at Studio 1 today.  I'm so happy that the priest is a Jesuit, who is actually an Atenean schoolmate of Sir Mark (our cutie abs-cbn HR/ODL head) since prep.  I miss hearing mass in Ateneo.  Every lecture is a pleasure. 

He talked about going back to our wholeness... To go back (magbalik-loob) to the person we are supposed to be (when God let us loose into the world to serve our purpose: to make the world a better place) and to remember our mission in this world.

Anyway.  He said the usual stuff I already know like how we are all intrinsically good, and that we all have a purpose to live out in this world.  He asks us to investigate/mediate on/remember who the real us are. 

Wee.  It was a good decision to hear mass today.  :-) It's always nice to know God put us here on earth brimming with goodness and world-changing missions... And that it's never to late to realize our purpose.  I mean, if you have faith in the above, it follows that none of us are here by chance.  We are meant to be here, because we all have our unique call, etc.

Events may prove this otherwise but... Sometimes, it's just nice to believe in something like this. *breathes prayers into the wind and knows that God hears me.*

Stress is good.
Good stress is great.
Stress for Success.

We can make it. We can do it!
And better than that, we can pull them off amazing-ly!
Here's a prayer for the happy, working occupants of 1309:

Love the loop, love the caf
Love the jokes, always laugh (hey, that rhymes)
Mind the time
Banyo breaks, wash off the grime
Toothbrush club, a corny joke
Buy yakult, smile when broke.

Love your work, love your sme's
Buy some basil, save the trees!
Eat She's cookies, spray my pear
Sit on the floor, ignore the chair.

Dance and sing, and dance again
Lotus Notes, your new best friend.

Hahaha. Labo. Whatever.
Amazing. Meetings galore. Hahahahaha.
Kaya toh. Deliverables, here I come.

Wee! (^_^) I've been indulging my craving for cute guys, comedy and the supernatural lately, and I'm so happy to welcome my new beloved addiction, (courtesy of Pawl, ü) Gokusen! :D Yay! On the 1st season I welcome back 2 of the actors who played Domyouji and Hanazawa Rui in Hana Yori Dango!

Wee! I love Japanese Drama, it's just so entertaining to see how much of the live-action resembles the anime... And I guess vice-versa, whatever! *Claps at the Japanese entertainment industry's knack for creating wonderful, laugh out loud tv shows.* :D :D :D Wee! :D

And that is the greatest gift I could ever give myself. ü

Sometimes, I just need a good sound laugh. I just love a bad-ass (hot hot ass), tortured/not tortured soul who flawlessly delivers punchlines (and stakes... knives... bullets...) right on the gut. He's a womanizing, gun-totting, supernatural-being killing crackpot machine. I've had so many laugh out loud moments with the Winchester boys, but most especially with Dean. I love love love him!!! :D "A lover of cheap beer, cheap hotels, raunchy language, and porn, coupled with a dirty sense of humor and a heart melting smile, what isn’t there for me to love?"

Dean Winchester (Quotable Quotes from me and some other websites)

Dean Winchester (Aghast): "You can't rush perfection!"

Cop: "Fake badge fake credit cards, fake name, is there anything of yours real?"
Dean: ...? "My boobs." (smiles)

Dean: "Aww, don't walk away mad. Just walk away." Mataray. ü

Sam: "Don't go all kamikaze on me."
Dean: "Kamikaze? (Outraged. Then...) I'm more like a... ninja."
Sam: "That's not funny."
Dean: "It's a little funny."
Sam: "No, it's not."

Dean: "What Sam, you want me to sit around writing love poems about how I'm going to die? Well I have one for you. What rhymes with shut up?"

Dean: "Now I'm good at reading people. Now you may be a thief, but you're not the type of person who would shoot--"
(BANG! and Bella shoots Sam)
Dean: "What-- what?! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Dean: "Maybe next time, give me a heads up on your plan."
Bella: "I didn't want you thinking. You're not good at that." LOLOLOLOL I'm SO GONNA USE THIS ON SOMEONE STUPID, LOLOLOLOLOL.

Dean (to Sam as Bella walks away): "Can I shoot her?"
Sam (after a pause): "Not in public."

Hayley: "I don't know how to thank you."
Dean: (Thoughtful, dirty look on face.)
Hayley: "Must you cheapen the moment?"
Dean (Shrugs and purses his lips thoughtfully): "Yeah." You can cheapen my moment any time Dean. :D

Sam: "What Dad "wants" doesn't matter!"
Dean: "You see that? That attitude there? That's why I always got the extra cookie."

On the scarecrow episode, Dean sees the monster and says:
Dean: "Duuuuuuude, you're fugly." A nice, honest way to confront a monster.

Sarah: "You guys are uncomfortably comfortable with this."
Sam: "Well, this isn't exactly the first grave we've dug. Still think I'm a catch?"

Dean: "Hey I like kids!!!"
Same: "Name 5 kids you know.
(Dean stands there concentrating. Sam walks off.)
Dean: "What... I'm thinking."


*Sigh. Perfect Linda Howard hero.* (all smiles.)

It's hard to allow yourself to believe that what other people think don't matter. A part of you always wants to share something. But I'm scared, just like everyone else. I'm scared of what they'll secretly think. I'm scared of how they'll react behind my back, in the secrecy of their own minds. There's a part of me that always wants to impress... to please.

It takes courage to put a part of yourself out there, especially if it's something personal, and close to your heart. You know in the back of your mind that people will react differently to this part of you. Some will love it, like it, relate to it, while a vast majority will simply hate, just because you rubbed them off the wrong way.

In matters of art and love, one can never be sure if he/she will end up as great, mediocre or terrible. But I think that in the end, what's important is what you think about yourself for doing the things you do. If the world hates your output, but you love it, should you choose the easy path and hide? Or should you just go? In the end, I would like to go to the other world knowing that I went ahead with my dreams and desires, even when others looked down on me. Even though the mere act of going forward causes great pain, (a whiplash of shame, doubt and unbearable something) I will endure it, because I owe it to this inner world of mine that is trying desperately to live.

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ANO BA! Sabing kayang kaya ito e!!!!

Mahal ang internet sa labas. Hassle pala talaga mawalan ng internet. Haaay. Anyway. Before I run around headless through my work for the day, let me tell myself something that I wish I won't ever forget, just in case I get this hare-brained misconception about the wee little occupation of being a designer.

IT'S F*CKING HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRDDDDD!!!

There. That's better. And oh yeah, the thing where they say creative stuff is for the loose, the reckless and the undisciplined??? It's bull except if you're like, one of those annoyingly talented/creative/genius people. It takes work to make your work come alive. Aaaaaaaaah. What do you know? The best jobs are the ones that take the best toll on your brain because it demands quite a lot from the right, the left, both, the whole gadamn hemishphere.

 

*Breathes in, and out. Starts the commute home.*

I'm Not That Girl

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

"I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked.
*Sniffs at Wixxie.*